I recently watched the Grey’s Anatomy season finale. Grey’s Anatomy is one of my all-time favorite shows. I’ve been watching it since the very first episode back in 2005, and I haven’t missed an episode since. I won’t rehash the whole season finale storyline, as there are plenty of places to read about that. What I want to talk about is the moment between Levi (Jake Borelli) and Nico (Alex Landi), when Levi finally laid it on the line. This followed an admission by Nico that he missed Levi. Levi’s response was pretty awesome: “I know I can be annoying. I spent the day with a woman who imagines the worst. And she was annoying—right up until the part where she was a hero. I get that my feelings can be big. And my fears can be big. And I can be annoying. But I am also a pretty great guy. I care about the world. I sing with people who are scared. And I help deliver blood to dying children. And I care. And if you love me, I deserve better than what you’ve been giving me.”
I thought about that scene for days afterward.
Why do so many of us tend to focus on someone’s annoying habits or personality traits while ignoring their magic? That’s what Levi was basically doing—pointing out his own magic.
We all have our own magic. But why is it so hard for others to see? Why do people focus on the negative? And why are we so shy about flaunting our magic? I get that it puts us in a vulnerable place to be silly or sentimental or authentic. Many of us don’t do vulnerable very well. But vulnerability and honesty about who we are is what binds us together. When we share our special qualities with others, we embrace our own specialness and our vulnerability. We become connected in our humanness.
I don’t do vulnerability very well either. But I’m trying to be better. I’m going through a painful breakup and I tend to be stoic when my friends ask how I’m doing. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” I say. But the other day I decided to be honest with a friend and I admitted that I feel like shit most days. In turn she empathized and validated my feelings, which made me feel…better. I felt seen. I felt soothed. I took a step toward her, as my therapist would say, and she took a step toward me, and it ended up being a lovely moment. I liked it. I’m going to do more of that, I decided.
And so I have embraced both my vulnerability and my magic. My ex never saw my magic. I was always “too”: too emotional, too quiet, too silly (I can’t tell you how important it is to share a sense of humor with your partner!). My ex got so mired in what was “wrong” with me that my magic was forgotten. I deserved better than what my ex was giving me. And I got so mired in what was wrong with my ex. That’s not a great foundation for a relationship. I will do better next time, because I have learned a lot in this break up, and I now know that no one should have to hide their magic, and you should do everything in your power to see and appreciate your partner’s magic.
So embrace your magic. Be vulnerable. Show someone who you really are and what is in your heart. Reach out. Be authentic. Because I believe this is the only way we will make true connections with other human beings.
Photo courtesy of © Tomasz Szadkowski | Dreamstime.com