Month: June 2019

Connecting the Dots

Connecting the Dots

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down and it has made all the difference in my life.”

-Steve Jobs

I went to the movie today. I came in a little late and the trailers had already started. As I sat down I heard the line, “Always remember, the Universe has a way of leading you to where you’re supposed to be at the moment you’re supposed to be there.” (From Men in Black: International).

That has stuck with me all day. It will probably always stick with me. Of course I knew this about the Universe, but I guess I needed to be reminded, and the Universe reminded me.

We don’t always understand why things happen the way they do, but when we gain some space, time, and perspective, and then look back on the significant events of our lives, we can see how the Universe led us there. If we’re lucky, we can even identify those moments when we were exactly where we were “supposed to be.” I have been able to connect the dots numerous times in my own life, after gaining the aforementioned time and perspective, finally understanding why things happened the way they did. We all have, I’d guess, if we’re attentive, perceptive, and observant enough to listen.

I needed to be reminded of this because the last two years have been very rough on me: the break up of my decades-long relationship, my only child graduating from high school and preparing to leave for college, my intense fear and apprehension about my future, my troubling doubt that I will ever find romantic love that is healthy, respectful, mutual, and deep. There have been a few winks from the Universe along the way, telling me I am on the right path, but there has been nothing that has eliminated all uncertainty. At times it has felt as if the Universe has turned its back on me.

But I continue. I get up each day, not sure where I am headed or how I’ll know when I’ve arrived. I just know that winks here and there from the Universe have shown me that I am where I need to be. These signs have also comforted me, giving me confidence and courage that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

I have had to suspend doubt, fear, and uncertainty (a lot more difficult than it sounds). I have had to forge ahead. I have had to trust that there is a larger plan afoot and right now I am not informed of all the details. I don’t have enough information yet to “connect the dots.” Even though the journey has been painful at times, I trust without hesitation in the wisdom, love and order of the Universe.

Always remember that the Universe is not random. We all have a purpose for being here, and lessons we must learn. Whatever happens in our lives is for our own highest good. What may seem difficult, painful or unfair has happened for our own spiritual growth. I believe that with every fiber of my being. Maybe the meaning of it all will not be clear to us until later, but there is a meaning.

So once I emerge from the muck and mire and get some distance from this painful time in my life, the difficulty I have endured over the past couple years will make sense to me. I will finally “connect the dots,” and I will recognize when it happened that the Universe led me to where I was supposed to be at the moment I was supposed to be there. Whatever difficulties you’ve gone through will make sense too. Because life is not random. Such randomness doesn’t even make sense. There is a rhyme and reason to my life, your life, everyone’s life, if we just slow down for a moment and listen.

So look back over your life with curiosity, compassion and open-mindedness and find those moments when the Universe led you to where you were supposed to be. I know you’ll find them.

Photo courtesy of ©Publicdomainphotos | Dreamstime.com

You Might Be a Very Nice Guy, But…

You Might Be a Very Nice Guy, But…

You might be a very nice guy, dating site man, but I will never know. You’ve put me off from the very beginning by calling me baby, or demanding my phone number, or asking if you can come to my workplace or my house. I don’t even know you, dating site man. You’re just a nameless stranger sending me messages. I don’t share my personal information with people I don’t know. And I’d really rather you not call me baby or any other endearment until we know each other pretty damn well.

You might be a very nice guy, but sometimes your messages are…unintelligible. I have to read them three or four times to make sense of them. And even then I sometimes have to send back a reply that says, “Sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

You might be a very nice guy, but when we meet for the first time, it’s like pulling teeth to engage you in conversation. I ask a question, you give a two or three word answer, and then you fall silent, looking at me expectantly. I shift nervously in my seat, wracking my brain for another question. I finally come up with one, and we start the whole dance again. And later, once you’re back behind the safety of your phone or computer, you have the nerve to tell me that the date felt like “a job interview.” Are you kidding me? If I hadn’t asked you questions, the entire date would have passed in awkward silence.

You might be a very nice guy, but you communicated with me for a while, then we met for a date, we communicated some more, and then you…disappeared. My subsequent messages to you went unanswered.

Sadly, there’s every possibility that you are a very nice guy, but I will never know. You have operated under a completely different set of rules than those that humans typically use when they are getting to know each other. In other areas of my life no one calls me baby within minutes of meeting me. No one sits in silence as I try and talk to them. No one asks out of the blue if they can come to my house. No one drops off the face of the earth after weeks of engaging with me. These things are unnerving, off-putting, and baffling to me. And when I’m unnerved, put off, and baffled, then I cannot be open to your charms, your appeal, or your potential because my mind is occupied with trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

And I’ll bet you don’t operate under these rules in other areas of your life either. You don’t call the grocery store checker “baby,” ask a new co-worker if you can come over to her house, ignore your neighbor’s attempts to converse with you, or disappear after spending weeks getting to know a new friend, do you? I didn’t think so.

So why do you think it’s okay to behave this way on a dating site? Why are the rules of human engagement somehow different just because you’re on a dating site?

I do want to get to know you. I do want to like you. I really do. But you’re not being real. Be real, dating site man. Treat me the same way you’d treat the grocery store checker, a co-worker, your neighbor, a friend. Be kind. Be respectful. Be charming. Be funny. Relax. Smile. Engage. Breathe. Laugh. Be REAL. PLEASE be real. I want to know you, dating site man. I want to like you. But you are not making it easy.